Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly. Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team. After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone …

ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.

me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot

Even pigs have standards A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and a Philadelphia Eagles fan are in a car together. the car breaks down near a house with a barn. The owner says, ""Well, I only have room for two of ya, so one's gonna have to sleep in the barn."" The Hindu holy man volunteers. Five minutes later, he explains, ""I cannot sleep in that barn! There is a cow in there! Cows are sacred, and I cannot sleep on holy ground!"" The rabbi agrees to take his friend's place, but comes back. ""There is a p…