After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. ""Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"" Yes, they help me sleep at night. "" ""Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep! …

Leaving a Light On An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?" "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me." Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said. "I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she s…

A friend's father had been using LOL to mean lots of love. This explained such messages as "Your grandmother's in the hospital. LOL."

Sitting with Grandma at the hospital. She noticed me checking my watch and said, "Go on Dummy. I know brunch is almost over at the tit bar."