Just spent an hour attempting to explain to my 3 year the difference between Baltimore and Voldemort.

A man from Baltimore dies and goes to hell... He had been a bad man his entire life and therefore the devil made sure to give him extra work in the hottest fiery pit of hell. After a week goes by, the devil stops by to see how miserable the man is, but instead finds the man happily going about his work. He asks the man: ""Why are you so damn happy? Shouldn't this be miserable for you?"" The man replies ""This isn't any worse than May in Baltimore. I'm used to this."" The devil, enraged that his …

Crummy Valentines jokes If my heart were ground beef, you would be the charcoal that cooks my fat out and kills my bacteria. If my heart were a toothpick, it would pick you. If love were a streetcorner in Baltimore, you'd be my crack dealer If my heart were a mexican goat, you would be el chupacabra If our love were milk, it would be curdled and coagulated beyond the point of safe ingestion. If our love were milk, it would be whole. If our love were a dogfighting vessel, it would sail freely int…

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym. He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player. After an uneventful flight and some trouble getting the timpani through customs, the weary orchestra checks into their hotel. The performanc…