BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities.

The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In the '60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab.

NFL jokes Insert any team you don't like in blank spot: What's the best way to keep ___ out of your front yard? Put field goal post up! Why does President Obama want to send ____ QB to Syria? The CIA are convinced ____QB is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad. What do ____ have in common with postal service? Neither deliver on Sunday. What's the difference between a dollar bill and _____? You can still get four quarters from a dollar bill. What's the difference between a _____ fan a…

A guy walks in to a restroom..... and sees president Obama and president Putin at the urinal talking. The guy: what are you talking about? Obama: How we are going to start world war 3. Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant. The guy: why an it-consultant? Putin says to Obama. Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!