The Blind Clerk A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it…

An old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her... ..One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? Yo…

Things you don't want to hear while undergoing an operation * Did he say the right or left leg? * I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at school. * Buddy! Buddy! Come back with that! Bad dog! * Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie. * Oh no! I just lost my watch. * Argh! There go the lights again... * That's so cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! * I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. * FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out! * What do you mean you w…

What do you call it when you open a soda for a buddy who is in outer space? An astrofizzassist.