An old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her... ..One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? Yo…

Things you don't want to hear while undergoing an operation * Did he say the right or left leg? * I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at school. * Buddy! Buddy! Come back with that! Bad dog! * Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie. * Oh no! I just lost my watch. * Argh! There go the lights again... * That's so cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! * I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. * FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out! * What do you mean you w…

Where ya from Sam? A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, b…

A little old lady... A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get a…