Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

[Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] "What the-" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me No

Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money.