Why don't you say grace when eating Chinese food? Because they run you over with a tank if you do. Found this on Becker, didn't know if I should put this here or goingtohellforthis

A close call. A man sits down in his chair then rips a huge fart. His wife says ""one of these days you're going to shit your guts out"". It becomes a habit that every time he passes gas she says ""one day you will shit you're guts out"" One day on Thanksgiving morning she decides she's had enough. She takes all the guts from the Turkey and sneeks them under the covers while her husband sleeps,then goes back to the kitchen to wait. After an hour or so she hears her husband scream then silence. H…

A survey company interviews 3 Christians and asks them about their daily routine. The first man says ""Well, I wake up and kiss my beautiful wife and thank Jesus for this lovely day. Then I go to church if I am in the mood. If I'm not in the mood, I watch gospel TV."" The interviewer says: ""But I thought Christians had to go to church every Sunday."" ""Well,"" replies the man, ""My pastor never told me that."" The second man says: ""I wake up and eat a delicious breakfast, but not before saying…

Death sentance. A train conductor carrying millions of dollars of raw materials across the United States falls asleep on the job. Missing a crucial interchange, he runs the trains of the tracks and destroys all the cargo, wrecks the train, and kills four people in the process. After months of trials, lawsuits, and court dates, he receives a death row sentence. Months pass and finally the week of his execution arises. With three days left to live, an Holding Officer comes to his cell and walks h…