The cheapest way to make your lips look fuller is to trip on a dog toy, land flat on your face, then sit back and enjoy the swelling.

Dear Sir, in response to your request for additional information... Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put ""Poor Planning"" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks…

No-Hands-Nelson A guy's being picked up at the airport and is waiting for his reserved cab, #21, to pick him up. Another taxi driver is also waiting at the pickup area for his fares. The guy walks up and asks him ""Hey, I've been waiting here #21 to pick me up for a while, is he stuck in traffic?"" ""#21? No-Hands-Nelson!? He's a terrible driver! Especially what with the no hands thing."" The guy takes a little offense to this. ""Sir, I'll have you know I'm not prejudiced to people with disabili…

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2006. 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace. 2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker. 3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood. 4. Zippo…