Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate

I think I wasted my 15 minutes of fame trying to save money on car insurance.

Saw a sign on the highway that said "Kill or Injure a Road Worker: $7,500" but it doesn't tell me where to pick up the money...