What are your best "If I had ____ for every time..." jokes? Two of my favorites are: 1. "If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?" - Can't remember the comedian. 2. "If I had a quarter every time a hobo asked me for spare change, I'd still say no" - Bo Burnham

Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30? Credit to Bo Burnham.

What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common? They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)

Hey guys do you believe in the Zodiac? I do , I'm a Leo , I loved Titantic. Ironically,my grandmother was a cancer and she was killed by a giant crab . EDIT : Yes this is a Bo Burnham joke , I just want people to enjoy it before people call me out.