Hans turns up for his first day with the German Coast Guard. He's shown round the building, then taken to his new position as radio operator. ""Gut Mornink, Hans,"" says the old hand. ""As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English"", and leaves. Hans sits listening to the radio for a while, when he hears a call. ""Mayday, Mayday - help us, can anyone hear us?"" ""Yar,"" says Hans. ""Vot is Ze Problem?"" ""Thank god,"" com…

To make it safer to use the mobile phone when I'm driving, I've deleted all my German male contacts. I now completely Hans free.

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway? Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...

What's going on? A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple in a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the window and asks whats going on. "Listening to music," the guy says. Pointing toward the lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?" "Reading a magazine, of course." "How old are you?" asks the officer. "I'm 28." "And how …