Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...

You're not truly a parent until you've crawled through the McDonalds urine tubes to pull out a crying child.

Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven't picked one out yet!" It's worth it.

If your bio says "Producer, entrepreneur, DJ, & businessman" I'm assuming you misspelled "Lives with Mom, works at McDonalds."