I got a Unicorn Onesie for Christmas and... I was wearing it out in public like a champ. I was stocking up on feminine products for safety sake when this creepy Harry Potter fan comes up to me and says, ""Hey, pretty unicorn, is it your time of the month? I would love to be your Voldemort..."" I would have slapped him shitless if I didn't laugh right in his face and shitting bricks myself. God Bless Pervs.

Some funny pick up lines Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes. If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS? My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in. If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me? Nice legs...what time do they open? Um…I have a lotta money. Hey baby, did you just break wind? Cause you're blowing me away. Hey. Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you …

I hate myself a little for this... What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! ...Nah, just kidding! *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*

Who Am I? One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments. Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday mornin…