A man was sick of his two-and-a-half-hour drive to work every day. "You should try the train," suggested a neighbour. "I did once, but I couldn't drive the thing to save my life!" At least it's comfortable on Eurostar. It's murder on the Orient Express. Tim Vine You Know You're a Biker When . . . Your best friends are all named after animals. Your idea of jewellery is chains and barbed wire. You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher. Your family photo album is a series of tattoos on your back. You can tell what kind of bugs they are by their taste. Your best shoes have steel toes. You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet. You wake up next to your girlfriend and your first thought is whether your bike will start. You would rather become a vegetarian than ride in a car. Your kids take a motorcycle chain to "Show and Tell". Your idea of a good party is one where someone rides his bike in and does donuts in the living room. Your coffee table collapses under the weight of motorcycle magazines. Your garage is bigger than your house.