Moses was praying to God to free his people when the voice of God rang out from the heavens. "Moses," he said, "I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news?" asked Moses. God said: "If Pharaoh will not let my people go, I will send down a rain of frogs, a plague of locusts and a plague of flies, and I will turn rivers to blood. And if Pharaoh pursues you, I shall open a path for you in the Red Sea but then close it again to drown his army." "That would be really helpful," said Moses. "But tell me, what's the bad news?" God said: "Before I can do all this, you have to prepare an environmental impact statement." Lots of stuff's bad for the environment. And 4x4s are just too big. Often when I'm out dogging, I have to stand on someone's shoulders just to get my balls in the windshield. Frankie Boyle GOLF