She wants to open an account One day, a raggedy looking woman carrying a large paper bag walks into the bank and asks to see the bank manager. The receptionist is hesitant, but when she sees the large amount of cash in the bag, she escorts the lady into the manager's office. The raggedy old lady says she'd like to open an account. Naturally, the bank manager is extremely curious as to where this woman got all this money, so he asks her. She replies, \- "I make bets." He says, \- "wha…

A judge was hearing a drink-driving case but the defendant, who had a history of driving under the influence, demanded trial by jury. It was nearly four o'clock in the afternoon and getting a jury would take some time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall to recruit anyone available for jury duty. In the main lobby, he found a dozen lawyers and told them that they were to be the jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and followed the judge back into the court…

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."