A pirate with two peg legs walks into a bar... The bartender looks up from his newspaper and says ""you're cut off.""

What did the lesbian pirate say to her peg legged girlfriend? Scissor me timbers

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.

How do you stop a dog smelling ? Put a peg on it's nose !