FRIEND: you gotta go home and show your wife who's boss ME: damn right [later] ME: jen listen up *pulls out photo* this is my manager tim

I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...

How many push-ups is too many when meeting your girlfriend's dad for the first time?

Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!