Flakey blonde A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, ""Please come over here and help Me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get Started."" Her boyfriend asks, ""What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"" The blonde says, ""According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."" Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over The table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at…

Snowfall Saviour A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. ""If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."" Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "…

The Dumb Blonde Quiz

A Blonde temp is asked by her boss to go get coffee... Kelly, a blonde temp, is asked by her boss to go get six coffees from the cafe below their floor for a meeting that's about to start. Knowing the boss and his associates would want the coffees really hot, she decides to take a thermos down. The thermos is really large but she's not sure whether it'll hold all 6 coffees. Kelly arrives downstairs and asks the guy behind the counter, ""Do you think this thermos will hold six coffees?"". Joe, th…

TGIF - A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside ...

Hire The Pretty Blonde

A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle. In terror,she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallopsalong, seemingly imper…

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of...

I did exactly what you said Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail. The robbery begins... Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, ""I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"" ""Perfectly,"" said Buffy. Buffy goes in the …

My blonde girlfriend and her Windows My girlfriend who happens to be blonde has still not upgraded her PC to Windows 10 but still continues to use version 7. When I ask her why, she just changes the subject. Finally I convince her to do the update, and then she calls me quite upset and says, ""Honey, where the hell is the 'any' key?!""

A Young Brunette Goes into the Doctor's Office A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. ""Impossible"" says the doctor, ""show me"". She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on. The doctor says, ""You're not really a brunette are you? You're really a blonde"". She says ""Yes, doctor"". ""I thought so."" the doctor says, then continues: ""…

It's raining as a drunk man stumbles up to a bus stop... It's raining as a drunk man stumbles up to a bus stop, and starts talking with a very well dressed sober man already standing there. As they chat, the dapper fellow sees a beautiful blonde woman holding an umbrella about to walk past. As she passes, the dapper fellow says to her ""tickle your ass with a feather?"" to which the blonde says with startled anger ""what did you just say to me"". The man responds ""particularly nasty weather"". …

Bad Salesman / Good Strategy A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply. ""Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price,"" said the older man. ""Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remem…

A blonde, a drunk, a liar, and a loser walk into a bar to order a couple drinks... The bartender says: ""There's my favorite customer! What will it be this time Ms. Clinton?"" Edit: Hahaha everyone's so butthurt. It's just a joke...

Why was the blonde crawling on the ground in the shop? She was trying to find the lowest prices

A fifteen year old Amish boy and..... A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, ""What is this Father?"" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ""Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don""t know what it is."" While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in…

Blind Cowboys and Blond Bikers (Long) An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1) The…

A blonde walks into a bank in search of a $5000 loan A blonde walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5000 loan. The banker asks ""Okay miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"" The woman replies ""Yes, of course. I would like to use my Rolls Royce."" The banker, stunned, asks, ""A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make …

11 Blondes and a brunette There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, ""I'll get off."" The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

A blonde joke... Donald Trump.

A blonde goes to court. Eventually the judge says: ""I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the 10000 US$."" The blonde is thrilled: ""Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?""

A Blonde calls tech support She is told that in order to get help, they need her password. She says that the password is ""MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"" When asked why she had chosen such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Blonde goes ice fishing A blonde decides to go ice fishing. She makes a hole in the ice and starts fishing. Suddenly a voice from above says: ""There are no fish here."" Startled, the blonde looks around but doesn't see anybody. She shrugs and continues. After a while the voice comes again: ""There are no fish here."" The blonde looks up and asks, ""Lord? Is that you?"" The voice replies,""No, this is the ice-skating rink's maintenance manager. Seriously, there are no fish here.""

A blonde buys a car. She drives it home then goes to bed. The next morning she goes to work. After working all day she leaves at eleven o clock at night. She gets inside her car starts it up, but the car won't go she calls a mechanic and he tows the car to his garage and looks at it and says there is nothing wrong with the car. He asks if she knows hot to shift properly and she said of course! I use D for day and N for night!

Flowers Again A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, ""Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."" The blonde says, ""Don't you have a vase?""