Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Beer makes me feel invincible. Vodka makes me feel innvienceablrerrer. *falls down*

I feel a weird sense of pride when I'm so drunk that autocorrect just gives up.

A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, "why the long face?" & the horse says, "why the English Lit degree?"