"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

I told her love was all about sacrifice, but she still screamed when she saw the dead goat.

The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.

*Sees dead cat on the road. Walk it off buddy, you got 8 more.