Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.

Friends don't let friends drive drunk but I don't want them staying at my house And that's why Uber was created

My mom when I was a kid: "Never talk to strangers." "Never get in their cars." Me to my future kids: "Here's how to order an Uber."

I needed to get a shipment of almonds to the airport quickly. It was so weird to call Uber and ask if they could drive me nuts.