My husband has been missing for a week, the police say to prepare for the worst... So I went to the thrift store & got all his clothes back!

cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back me: that doesn't sound like her, she never kept a knife there

Wife just texted me drive slow - cop around the corner so I laughed and showed it to the cop.

"911 what's your emergency?" MY WIFE IS BEATING MY KIDS! "Okay. I'll send the police" *hangs up. OH CRAP I FORGOT TO SAY "AT MARIOKART"