My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.

[Doctor's Office] Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease. "Is it bad, doc?" Yes, but bear in mind- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[vet office] Hi I am here to drop my cat off. Just a check-up. *doctor walks out* "Hi, I am Dr. Curiosity we- I'll take my cat elsewhere

"David you're late again!" "Sorry boss.." [cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer] "...traffic"