The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, "Duck". His mother slaps him.

Can't afford Sea World, so I took my kid to a fish market. Me: 'Shhh, they're asleep' 'Mom, they're breaded' Me: 'That's their blankie'

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" said mommy bear. "Who hasn't" muttered daddy bear. "What?! You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"

11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ...