Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name But Imma call you "Hal" for short, 'k, Chief?

Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She's my new favorite.

Mom said angels are watching over me I'm just afraid they're taking notes to make sure I go to hell.

Me: bless me father for I have sinned. Priest: how long since your last confession my son? Me: about 45 minutes ago...