[after my murder] COP: Can u think why anyone would want to kill him? WIFE: Christ yes *starts Power Point presentation* Make yourself comfy

[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote

A Mexican guy, an Italian guy, and an American guy are all working on a roof... and they're all getting tired of their lunches... So one day the Mexican guy opens his lunch and he goes ""man, if I get a taco one more time I'm going to jump off this building."" The Italian guy opens his box and says ""Goddammit, if I get spaghetti one more time I'm going to jump off this building,"" and the American guy says the same thing about his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The next day, they all get the…

A policeman on patrol calls his fellow cop on the station... COP 1: Hey, I got a weird case over here COP 2: What is it buddy? COP 1: Im here at the front porch of an elderly couple's house COP 2: So? COP 1: Someone called me to go to this house because they heard shouting and stuff. And you wouldn't believe what happened... COP 2: What happened? COP 1: The wife stabbed her husband to death COP 2: How did you know? COP 1: As she opened the door, I saw her in tears, with fresh blood on her hands,…