[Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body

[murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.

The most offensive joke I know. So a man is sitting at home on a normal day when he gets a phone call from an ER doctor. ""Sir, I am a doctor from the local hospital, your wife has just been in a terrible accident. I have good news and bad news."" ""Alrighty"" said the man ""Give me the bad news first."" ""Your wife lost both of her arms, as well as her legs, she can only eat liquids through a straw, she will need assistance to go to the bathroom for the rest of her life, and she is totally para…

A guy went on a business trip. A businessman with a wife and two kids was going on a business trip. His wife remind him to call her when he arrived at the hotel, to know if he arrived safely. When he arrived at the hotel he is given the the best room, which is on the top floor. The room had everything, multiple beds, TV, wifi and complimentary drinks. Excitedly the businessman picks up the phone to call his wife. Unfortunately, because of his excitement he dialed the wrong number. On the other e…