I named my dog Rembrandt That way I can say ""have you seen my Rembrandt?""

Why did Rembrandt lose his house? Because he was *Baroque*.

Collected Comments of College Students He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high. Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up! His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame. Textbook is confusing ... someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it. This class was a religious experience for me ... I had to take it all on faith. The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him. Problem sets are a…

An old tramp goes on a deluxe cruise... There was this tramp. One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake. Without a moment's hesitation he ran out onto the ice and slipped and slided over to a little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and carried her back to the road. He took off his coat and wrapped her in it then began looking for a car to flag down. Coincidentally the father drives up. "How c…