NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?

[During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!

DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*

PATIENT: my stomach is killing me, doc DR DOG: I've got just the thing for you *hands him a prescription bottle filled with grass*