Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, "why the long face?" & the horse says, "why the English Lit degree?"

You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog

*gets so drunk I grab a fish out of your fish tank and shakes it at you screaming "WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THIS?!" *