GOD: did u eat from the tree of knowledge? ADAM: no...it was my girlfriend GOD: who? ADAM: u don't know her she goes to a different school

My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.

Thursday is like your high school boyfriend. It feels good but you know something better is right around the corner.

My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault