*I describe my lost cat to the cops* Sketch Artist: *draws my cat* Detective Dog: *adds WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE beneath the picture*

Cop (catches me with a bag of marijuana, a dead duck and a dead crow): Sir, what were you doing? Me: Killing two birds while being stoned.

I just wanted a drink. Stopped at Speedway to buy a drink. When I pulled in, I noticed these two cops watching a woman who was smoking while fueling up. I'm thinking, ""Wow...what an idiot! The police are standing right there!"" I go in and get my drink. As I was paying, I hear someone scream, ""Look outside!"" OMG!! The woman's arm was on fire!!! She's running around like a chicken with its head cut off, waving her arm around and just going nuts. We all went outside and watched the cops put her…

Dead pig found in front of the church The local priest called the police because a dead pig was left outside the front door of the church. When police arrived they were rather annoyed for having to deal with the problem. One officer pulled the priest aside and said ""it is really important that we do this for the community."" ""Indeed it is"" the priest replied. ""But I don't get it, I thought the priests took care of the dead?"" ""We do"" the priest replied, ""But we always notify the family fi…