If you are going to Taco Bell for a diet, you have a bigger problem than your weight.

I got tired of smelling soggy tacos, so I quit working at Taco Bell. Also, the food smells like shit.

[first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.

I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.