I just said, "who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?" and I died a little on the inside.

"It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your son is?" "I'm at home, mom. You raised a loser."

parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock! clock: 11:01 me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now

[drops son off for 1st day at daycare] "Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock." "Not a chance. He's your problem now."