"Pete's coming for dinner tonight." "Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?" [Massive thud] "I'll just check."

Old maid's burglar A story I'll tell of a burglar bold Who started to rob a house; He opened the window, and then crept in As quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a place to hide, 'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, ""With their money I'll take a quiet sneak."" So under the bed the burglar crept; He crept up close to the wall; He didn't know it was an old maid's room Or he wouldn't have had the gall. He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay; But at nine o…

So there's my friend Pete... So, I have a friend named Pete, who is a bit of a hippy. He's got plenty of ""causes,"" but he's particularly into animal rights--it's kind of annoying sometimes, but whatever. As it so happens, he's also into Mediterranean food--all vegan, organic, and locally-sourced, of course. So when his usual store ran out of his brand of bread, it was kind of a big deal. He ended up dragging me all over town, all afternoon looking for some grass-fed, free-range ethnic bread. I…

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out and Repeat jumped in the water and saved Pete's life. Pete then asked Repeat to be the best man at his wedding. Pete's friends and family asked Pete what the name of his best man was to which he replied, Repeat. The family then repeated their question thinking Pete misheard them, to which Pete quickly caught on to the situation and informed him that his best man's name was in fact, Repeat. Then some noob created a joke about them. The noob was some d…