The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn't want you to be happy."

Pillsbury Doughboy Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and his wife Carolyn listened to the instructor declare, ""It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."" He addressed the men, ""Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"" Wally leaned over, touched Carolyn's arm gently and whispered, ""Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it honey?"" And thus began Wally's life of celibacy....

Pillsbury Doughboy death notice. Sad news: It is with great sadness that we report the passing of the Pillsbury Doughboy. The cause of his death was from a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in his belly. Doughboy was buried in a greased coffin, with the gravesite piled high with flours. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects; including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Capt. Crunch. Aunt Jemima deliver…