Doctor: Ted, you're dying, Patient: My name's not Ted. Doctor (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant.

Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years... Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. ""So, how's life been for you? "" Ed asked. ""Not too good,"" Ted replied. ""My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my …

Bob works in a saw mill. One day he comes into work, and his friend Ted asks him, ""Hey, did you hear about Joe?"" ""No, what's up?"" ""Well, he was working late last night and cut off his hand."" ""Holy crap Ted, is he alright?"" ""Oh yeah, we picked it up, put it in a ziplock bag, and he got it sewed back on. He'll be back in a week."" ""That's good, give him my best."" A couple days later, Ted asks Bob ""Hey, did you hear about Paul?"" ""Yeah, I heard he got hurt. What happened?"" ""He ended …

You have to be an adult to see Theodore, the guy who takes the medical images at the hospital. After all, he's x-ray Ted.