*im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*

This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, ""Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."" They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly s…

A teacher doesn't want baby talk from her students A second grade teacher asks her students what they did over the weekend. The first student says ""I went on a choo-choo train! ""That's good,"" says the teacher, ""but we're in second grade now and we should talk like grown-ups. You should say you went on a train."" The second student says ""We went camping and I saw a bunny rabbit!"" The teacher raises a finger. ""That sounds exciting! But remember, talk like a grown-up. Just say 'rabbit.'"" A …

A very bright scientist was conducting experiments on frogs He spent a lot of time teaching them to jump as they heard the word *jump*. And so, after he had 10 frogs that could jump when they heard the word *jump*, he took one to the experimentation room, put the frog on the table. ""*Jump*"" Sure enough, the frog jumped. The scientist wrote a note in his research booklet, then proceeded to cut a leg off the frog. ""*Jump*"" Trying an awkward jump, the frog still managed to flop as it tried to j…