Zack and Tybe two Alabama farm boys bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece. They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash they realized they'd wound up with the same amount of money they'd started out with. ""See!"" said Tybe. ""Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger truck!""

SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Feeling sick at work. Subway to the bus-$5 Bus to commuter lot-$2 Puking in my car-$0 Guy in the car next to me puking in response-priceless