PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"

NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?

*throws a rock at a bird* Me [writing in "science" journal]: birds don't like rocks.

If I was a Doctor, my prescription pad would just read: "Smoke 2 joints, eat ALL the chicken"