[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE

As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.

Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO

I can't afford a police siren so I just taped a crying baby to the top of my car. It's working, people are moving out of my way.