Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.

I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.

I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.

Letting Russia host the Winter Olympics feels a little bit like letting Voldemort host the Quidditch Cup.