Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)

Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ...

Me: Hello. AT&T;: Hello, this is AT&T.; Me: Is this AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes, this is AT&T.; Me: This is AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes. This is AT&T.; Me: Is this AT&T;? AT&T;: Yes! This is AT&T.; May I speak to Mr. Salem please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T;: This is AT&T.; Me: Ok, hold on. At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 2 or 3 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting. M…