Dating is good practice for parenting because you learn not to care when someone is crying in a restaurant.

Girlfriend: Im not the best cook, is that cool? Me: Yeah, I love shitty food.

[TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND] 'Oh yeah, I love to cook!' *removes salad from the microwave

Maggi is the girlfriend of the food world. It says 2 minutes but never gets ready in less than 20 minutes.