When I was a kid. I used to come home drunk & beat my Dad.

*sees girl at bar* Hey baby, wanna get outta here? "Sure!" Good, you're really killing the vibe.

When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.

You're all invited to my second bar mitzvah where I become a child once again