Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

Proof A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. ""I will have to go home and come back later."" The woman says, ""Unbutton your shirt."" So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, ""That silver hair…

Two with sausage and meatballs, two without A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. ""But how will I let you know the baby is born?"" she asked. He replied, ""Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses."" Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six mo…

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. ""Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?"", he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. ""Come on, man,"" the biker says, ""I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."" ""This is the worst day of my life,"" I say. ""I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car h…