LAWYER: where were you Oct 13th? ME: alibi school LAWYER: can u prove this? ME: wait, the 13th? LAWYER: ya ME: k no I was murdering that day

do I wanna smoke? sure I'll smoke. I'll smoke u fools on the court when ur lung capacity is severely compromised. stay in school, be active

Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock and not a bomb, what time is it? Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit.

College parties are great: You're taking shots with future doctors and the next Supreme Court judge is throwing up in the bathroom.