The White House is putting on a play adaptation of Modern Family. When asked which character he wanted to be, Obama said ""Uhhh...let me be Claire.""

A man and his mistress... Lou was an older man, in his 50's. He has been unhappily married to his wife Lorraine for 30 years. While he works 50 hours a week to support the house, all Lorraine does is stay at home and watch TV. Even when Lou gets home from work, Lorraine makes him do dishes, clean the house, and take out the trash. While he's thought of divorce, he wouldn't even dare say that word in front of his wife unless he wanted a slow, and painful death. It seemed there was no way out. The…

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'